i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
