i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
