I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
