OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
