Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
