i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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