His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
