two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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