my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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