Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
