She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
