Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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