the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
