**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
