While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
