Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
