if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
