Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
