I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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