He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
