How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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