Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
