I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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