winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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