Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
