In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Randomize
