so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
