is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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