and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
