Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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