he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
false alarm. still invincible.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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