"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
