i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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