I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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