he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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