Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will be naked everywhere
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
