If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
