u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
