the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
