Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
