can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
