my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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