Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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