my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
