Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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