I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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