theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
