maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
