my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
