just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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