why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Bring me that man meat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
