oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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