Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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