We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
