No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
