Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
