GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
