Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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