i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
