I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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