Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
