im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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