You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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