i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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