you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
