she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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