Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
