I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
