I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
