? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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