Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
