He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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