So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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