what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it because I queefed?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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