NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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