4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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