Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
