Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
