Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
