This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
