Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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