This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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